Tears were streaming down my face. I know driving and crying isn’t advisable. I know driving while crying isn’t advisable. In fact, the only speeding ticket I’ve ever received was while driving and crying. But I couldn’t stop myself. I kept doing both in shock and disbelief – at 52, I just learned I had ADHD!
Driving away from that day, that moment in time, I finally had an answer but no solutions. And the answer felt more accusatory than anything. Everything felt heavier and even more hopeless.
I had no idea of what was next. I couldn’t imagine how to unpack what it meant to have ADHD. And so I did nothing because I knew nothing to do.
After the initial shock, I just continued trying to manage the daily problems of ADHD.
But I did spend some time in hindsight.
After some basic reading, I was stunned to realize it was ADHD that had robbed me of so much: income, relationships, and opportunities. I was living proof of how awful ADHD was.
Growing up in trauma and neglect brought its own challenges. But in response, I had been diligent and responsible in pursuing counseling.
But even after some of the best trauma counseling in the country, I continued feeling “not finished.”
I eventually left that area of the country to move to another, bringing with me a strong sense of being unfinished, unsure of what was ‘wrong’ with me.
I didn’t and couldn’t face the restlessness that continued ‘back home’ because of how I felt inside my head. In hindsight, I believe I was hopeful that moving across the country would help. I also didn’t want my psychologist, who had helped me so much with my trauma, to discover how much I was still struggling.
I was a Living Apology.
In a new place and a new job, I quickly realized nothing changed. I had already spent decades trying to hide the brokenness inside my head. Not knowing what it had made the challenge to ‘fix it’ impossible.
I was so hurt from the years of jokes at my expense. The jokes were completely understandable, but they still hurt. I recognize that we are quick to make a joke when we don’t understand something. However, those of us with ADHD are often the butt of jokes because we give them such good material as people are quick to point out, right?
And now back to the tears and the driving. I just accepted and moved on. Books and articles about ADHD caught my eye, but I never truly engaged because I had no hope. And without hope, it felt pointless.
Fast forward a few years…
I met Tracy Otsuka on an entrepreneurial Facebook page. I watched her design her course titled “Your ADHD Brain is A-OK!” She launched during the peak of Covid, and I signed up. Her passion and desire to help women with ADHD moved me. It really did.
With great hesitation, I took the first iteration of the course and spent a long time struggling through it. And to be transparent, it hurt so much that I quit!
I thank God that Tracy chased after me and insisted I finish: “Keep moving!” I can still hear her voice in my head and my heart. And I shudder to wonder where I would be today if I had not finished her course.
The first thing I lost after taking her course, even before my keys (ADHD humor), was my shame.
Shame has been a daily part of my everyday life.
It was hard to dare believe I could find hope in regret, peace in grief, and a future in my late 50s. In that course, I discovered my values and passions, and purpose. It is all strength-based: a life-giving, empowering way to partner WITH my ADHD!
At the end of the course, Tracy encouraged me on the path of becoming a Life Coach for women with ADHD and invited me to be a Community Mentor for her course. I love being a Community Mentor and especially connecting with women who start to quit or can’t start. In 2021, I completed the basic training required by ADDCA for ADHD Coaching, and my studies in both ADHD and tapping continue!
By the way, if you’d like a free session of tapping, please let me know as I have many requirements (practice sessions) to meet my basic certification requirements. Reach out through my contact link here.
Today my purpose is to show up for women with ADHD in ways I so desperately needed in my past.
Today…
- I hold a love and a hope for younger women with ADHD. I want to make space for them to see themselves so they can avoid some of the losses that I had to experience.
- My heart is full of respect for the women who feel halfway – not young, not old – but isolated and still not on speaking terms with their ADHD.
- And finally, I share the profound grief that occurs for women who learn late in life of their ADHD. The news is both immediately a relief and something to grieve. But I also believe and have experienced how powerful it is to understand.
There is so much hope and joy in knowing, and I love sharing this every SINGLE day!
Getting out of our heads and into action (as Tracy preaches all the time!) is profoundly helpful.
Sure there are still struggles with ADHD, but there is a ton of fun and excitement once we learn how to best navigate our own lives.
And neurotypicals have their struggles too, right? I fully believe there is no way they enjoy their brains as much as we can!
I stand with all my sisters with ADHD. The women I coach every day teach ME, and I honor their lessons by giving back to our corner of the world.
All my best,
Isabelle
“For the past two years, Isabelle has worked as a community mentor for our program, Your ADHD Brain is A-OK. She has proved invaluable in coaching our adult students/clients who are struggling to get started or suddenly find themselves stuck. Isabelle is kind and understanding but she also has a unique understanding of the interplay between trauma and ADHD which allows her to effectively inspire change. Everyone that works with Isabelle loves her because it’s so apparent how much she cares about each and every student/client. If you’re lucky enough to have the opportunity to work with Isabelle, you should. I recommend her completely and without reservation.”
“Working with Isabelle was transformational for me. Her ability to listen and hear what you are saying is a true gift. She was able to shine a light on things so that I could find the path I wanted to take to move myself forward. Thank you so much Isabelle!”
“Isabelle is amazing. She was able to understand… RELATE…. to what I was going through and give me the support, encouragement and tools that I needed not just for the immediate but to come back to and use often.”
Talented Beyond Measure
Meet Viktor Bevanda, a child prodigy gifted with an incredible artistic sensibility and talent. In the words of his brother, Viktor sees a much more beautiful world than the rest of us.
Born and raised in Serbia, Viktor was diagnosed with Autism at a very early age, and has struggled with verbal communication his whole life. Being semi-verbal, he has used art to express himself since the age of 5, and the stunning artworks he creates every day are true masterpieces.
To know more and support Viktor, visit his website by clicking below.